A waiters rant

I’ve been reading Waiter Rant for a few years now, long before I even understood about blogs, so it’s with anticipation that I finally got my hands on a copy of his recently released book.
I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘A Waiter’s writing and witnessed my own waiters rant story the other day, perhaps it was my mood and anticipation of opening my newly purchased book, but I stopped with amusement and listened into this interesting conversation.

Waiting at the bar was a regular customer; always impeccably dressed in an old fashioned suit, complete with matching tie and pocket hankie, he sits waiting patiently, sipping his first Crown Lager for the day. Mr Old Fashioned, does old fashioned boys business, he conducts his business wrangling from the comfort of a plush restaurant, he is at this plush restaurant today and many others, many other days, I would not be surprised to learn if it was one every day of the week.
He waits patiently, flicking through the paper for his dining partner to arrive, we are friendly and jovial but he never seems interested to strike up a more personal conversation so, typically it’s only the paper that is his beer drinking companion. To be honest, we are usually too busy sipping first coffees of the day to mind.

Soon the other part of the dining duo arrives and they chat, order more drinks and eventually move in to the waiting table. As they walk through, another guest calls out and greets Mr Old Fashioned, quick introductions all round and then The Other Guest makes polite conversation that he is not at the other More Famous trattoria around the corner.
“No, I can never seem to get a table there” Mr Old Fashioned sighs
“oh” The Other Guest nods
“It’s just that they don’t have the right table, at the right time”
“Well it’s good here anyway, and have you tried the schnitzel?” The Other Guest changes the topic

I smile to myself, as I know EXACTLY what they are talking about and more importantly, why he can't get a table.
Mr Old Fashioned sits down and orders another Crown and the water glasses are removed (he doesn’t ‘do’ water).

I walk away and can’t help but openly giggle to myself, I was wondering about all of this, just the other day.
The More Famous trattoria is familiar to me, I worked there when it was hot, and Mr Old Fashioned was merely another punter. We didn’t like him because he was new and didn’t understand the rules… the tipping rules.
We did not give two hoots how often he came, (the owners did not seem too fussed either, actually) and it was in fact more painful, the more he dined. It became our responsibility to try and 'educate' him; by giving him the bad table, only at a late or early time, or just never quite being able to remember the brand of beer he liked, or perhaps remembering when they were a little warm… all sad but true.

The moral of the story is Mr Old Fashioned just doesn’t get the rules; tip or risk becoming a second priority customer. He doesn’t get it, or perhaps he does and stubbornly has moved on from the More Famous place as a result. Unfortunately, The More Famous place, had many more famous customers, so they probably have not even missed him.

I'm not sure if his 'education' will continue at the new place; experience has taught me, that these things work themselves out by the end of the week but with labour shortages in the hospitality industry, most waiters don't have this clarity from experience... he is at their mercy. So, perhaps a table by the toilet with a warmish Crown for a few months will prove the point. It’s always extremely professional, but never dream service; that’s saved for the people that do ‘get’ the rules.

Oh and before you all get parnoid; no, waiters do not spit in your food if they don't like you. Even 'A Waiter', says that is just going too far and from what I've read of his book, he does like a waiters game or two...