What are they talking about?

I happened across this article tonight, one of the most uninformed, professionally written pieces in a while...
I guess, why try and understand the reasons, just bitch about it. Perhaps Jordon should get a blog, they say we don't know what we are talking about, and the the SMH paid for this.

A quote from the piece about why restaurants don't take reservations. She just doesn't 'get' it.

Restaurants do this because they can.
Supply and demand is a more persuasive principle than customer service. But
it's also less reliable - and it looks like the tables might be turning on the
hospitality industry.

This person does though, published in the SMH today.

Why are non-food writers entering into these types of waters? Some people seem to agree with Jordon, my question is; but why do they wait then?

The craft of service

One relationship is broken and another fails to launch, its been a tough week for service in my dining shoes.

About six months ago I wrote about a newish place that I had developed a relationship with - a trust.
I go there, I eat and drink. I enjoy the staff and their service. The location is convenient for me, I therefore can and do go regularly. But the relationship has been strained recently, I have had a few patchy experiences, PDC has had worse. I went there again the other day, a little cautious now, it seemed great and then it all went sour. It was wrong, they just didn't care, the service was appalling, and not even rude just absolutely careless.

I'm sad and angry, I had recommended this place, I have spent time there, but I just can't justify going there again - perhaps ever. They have been given many chances, but the culture has changed (perhaps reflecting on other bloggers at the time, its been like that all along?).
It's broken, it's over.

Another local relationship this week didn't even get off the ground.
A highly reviewed pub dining room, recommended strongly by friends (to their embarrassment, when we all dined together), the service was uneducated, untrained and strained. The staff didn't know better, the management didn't respond to my calls for love (ie clearing my own table to the bar and asking for dessert and cheese menus).
The food was good, even great in parts but was let down by the service and some faux pas like kitchen oversights, such as uncooked soggy chips or the lack of bread being offered.
I wanted to form a relationship, to become a fan like my friends, but I can't.

I can not and will not tolerate bad, uncaring, inconsistent service. I can not support managers and owners that think people don't know better or don't care what another 'number' in their business thinks.
I'll patronise places that make me feel good about being there, places that value my relationship with them... it goes both ways and I have been given nothing back.
Its over, and it never began. What a sad week.

How to get a reservation at el Bulli

I’m forever giving advice about how to get a reservation at this place or that; can’t get the time needed or the right day or even a look in at all? Having problems getting the perfect spot, at that perfect restaurant? Any restaurant? Think you have virtually no probability of dining at el Bulli?
The thing is it’s really not that difficult, you just have to follow a few restaurant savvy guidelines.

Want to know more? Please read on…

Restaurants are fickle beasts, with many intricate workings and big personalities at play.
But the one personality that you have the most power over is your own... and this one is the key to getting a reservation, at any restaurant.
Gone are the days were you phone up and tell them your preferred date and time; now there are a whole lot of complications - no reservation polices, limited group reservations, credit card confirmations, email only bookings, months ahead bookings and just plain too-hard-baskets.
Well trust me, if a human nature is at play, as in just about all examples (lets exclude Momofuku Ko and their computer program for now) you can get a booking there by playing the reservation game well.

I saw Ferran Adrià speak in Melbourne on Sunday, he was here to promote his impressive new book A Day at elBulli. One of the things that struck me was his embarrassment at the books touted “2,000,000 requests for 8,000 places every year”. Matt Preston asked, virtually on behalf of the audience, so how do we get a booking? The response was a jumble of comments with an ‘I don’t know how he (the dining room manager Lluis Garcia) does it’ kind of philosophy and then jokes about how he couldn’t even get the interviewers a table.
In short, the reservationist has the power. And in short this happens every where…

So let us get this straight, at what I can only assume is the worlds most sort after restaurant reservations – el Bulli – Mr Lluis Garcia has the power to control the fate of your dining pleasure. I think it’s important to understand who is managing these things day to day; even within the most rigid computer based systems someone is managing the changes and substitutions, yes, a person. And this is where it gets interesting, because from experience being the person on the other end of the line, I know what works, and what doesn’t when it comes to getting that elusive table.

First of all, it’s about being realistic
A lot of Melbourne restaurants have recently opened with no reservation polices. So how do you dine there at 7.30pm on a Saturday night? Essentially, you don’t.
Some of the best advice I can give about no reservation polices is being flexible and empathetic. If you know its going to be busy - I assume it’s good, that’s why everyone is trying to go there – understand this and either arrive early (like 6 or 6.30) and get a good spot or be prepared to wait probably in their bar or close by, until space is free.
If you are part of a group larger than 2 or 3, this is more often than not, going to be the case. It can be like tetrus, mentally shuffling tables around to get the configuration right so as many people can dine as possible. This is good for both you, and the restaurant.
--In the case of el Bulli, find out when reservations open, know when to email, be open to different dates, BUT be realistic, you know the chances… you are likely to need to try a little harder. Keep reading on.

Second of all, it’s about being organised
If they do take bookings and you need that 7.30pm on a Saturday night, then book ahead. Ring weeks/months ahead if it’s a birthday or anniversary (you already know the date!) but don’t try that trick on a Friday afternoon and say it’s desperate because its your wife’s birthday, well sorry…
--In the case of el Bulli, you now know whom you are emailing, take advantage of that, email at the right time, have organised travel dates and leave the el Bulli date flexible. Does it have to be a Friday or Saturday night?

Be nice and ‘memorable’
Saying the right words will make you stand out from the crowd. When you phone that new hot restaurant, it doesn’t have to be grovely but using terms like “any chance you have spot free on Thursday night” or “I’d like to make a reservation, we would love to dine on Friday evening”, “we are flexible with time, when do you have free?” While the reservationist is flicking through pages or searching through the computer reservation system, be friendly tell them that you have heard great things – I can only assume its true and that’s why you want to dine anyway – it doesn’t hurt to be nice. If your lucky the last person to phone was abrupt and condescending (this is common, especially when reservations are hard to come by, people assume they need to fight for their place), and you will be remembered for your politness.
--In the case of el Bulli the memorable part comes into full swing. So you want to dine there, just the meal its self will set you back a few hundred dollars and that without travel costs and accommodation. Think of it like buying a large white good; for a new fridge, you’ll think about what you need, research it, shop around and then buy one. This could take many hours, why wouldn’t you invest the same amount of thought and time into securing a restaurant reservation were you quite likely will spend the same money.
Be creative; state your case about why you need to dine there, write a poem, make a short youtube video and send it to them, draw a picture, send a photo of you and your prospective dining companion. Be cheeky; email regularly, try phoning, get a Spanish speaking friend to help – no doubt it’s a saying for a good reason, the squeaky door does get the oil…

Accept a waitlisted table, but follow-up regularly
Or if one is not offered, ask for it. Better still accept the 9.30pm reservation you are offered when you tried to book the 8pm but ask to be waitlisted for something earlier. And make sure you call back, the day before and the afternoon of – most tables are allocated and shuffled for a dinner service the day of the reservation, lunches are often allocated the night before – make sure you follow the previous rule, be friendly and persistent. Try a “hi, me a again, any chance you’ve had a cancellation on an earlier table, just thought I would check, we would love to come earlier…”
Take a reservation of a different less busy night and be waitlisted for the desired night, they then know that you really want to dine their, your flexible and because they have spoken to you on the phone, they know you’re nice. The odds are in your favour.
--In the case of el Bulli, don’t accept no as an answer, ask when is possible, could you be waitlisted, is there something else either side of your requested dates. Ideally you want to have made an impression before this stage, but if not enough, keep on trying using the memorable techniques.

Things to remember
-don’t lie, you will get caught out and black-listed and then never be able to get in.
-don’t ring when it is likely to be busy, the idea is to have a chat and make a friend, you can’t do that when the dining room is full of guests. Some restaurants have dedicated reservations, but many don’t so don’t risk it. Call between 10am and 12noon or 4pm and 6pm. What about even popping in if you are close by, the perfect chance to make an impression!
-don’t name drop, don’t imply that your more worthy than others, don’t say that your friends with the owner, chef, supplier anyone (of course if you are then get them working for you, you don’t need to be reading this). As A Waiter says, restaurateurs don’t have friends, don’t push your luck, if your really a regular then the maître d' will see your wait listed name and look after you, of course, thank them when your next in.

If all else fails don’t be afraid to ask for advice from the reservationist, “How can I get a booking, when is it best to ring?” Ask them the rules of their game; no doubt they will be flattered you care.

And back to el Bulli. No I haven’t dined there yet, BUT I know that should I be heading to Spain again soon, I will be in a much better position to secure a booking than most of the other 2,000,000 enquires that year.

A waiters rant

I’ve been reading Waiter Rant for a few years now, long before I even understood about blogs, so it’s with anticipation that I finally got my hands on a copy of his recently released book.
I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘A Waiter’s writing and witnessed my own waiters rant story the other day, perhaps it was my mood and anticipation of opening my newly purchased book, but I stopped with amusement and listened into this interesting conversation.

Waiting at the bar was a regular customer; always impeccably dressed in an old fashioned suit, complete with matching tie and pocket hankie, he sits waiting patiently, sipping his first Crown Lager for the day. Mr Old Fashioned, does old fashioned boys business, he conducts his business wrangling from the comfort of a plush restaurant, he is at this plush restaurant today and many others, many other days, I would not be surprised to learn if it was one every day of the week.
He waits patiently, flicking through the paper for his dining partner to arrive, we are friendly and jovial but he never seems interested to strike up a more personal conversation so, typically it’s only the paper that is his beer drinking companion. To be honest, we are usually too busy sipping first coffees of the day to mind.

Soon the other part of the dining duo arrives and they chat, order more drinks and eventually move in to the waiting table. As they walk through, another guest calls out and greets Mr Old Fashioned, quick introductions all round and then The Other Guest makes polite conversation that he is not at the other More Famous trattoria around the corner.
“No, I can never seem to get a table there” Mr Old Fashioned sighs
“oh” The Other Guest nods
“It’s just that they don’t have the right table, at the right time”
“Well it’s good here anyway, and have you tried the schnitzel?” The Other Guest changes the topic

I smile to myself, as I know EXACTLY what they are talking about and more importantly, why he can't get a table.
Mr Old Fashioned sits down and orders another Crown and the water glasses are removed (he doesn’t ‘do’ water).

I walk away and can’t help but openly giggle to myself, I was wondering about all of this, just the other day.
The More Famous trattoria is familiar to me, I worked there when it was hot, and Mr Old Fashioned was merely another punter. We didn’t like him because he was new and didn’t understand the rules… the tipping rules.
We did not give two hoots how often he came, (the owners did not seem too fussed either, actually) and it was in fact more painful, the more he dined. It became our responsibility to try and 'educate' him; by giving him the bad table, only at a late or early time, or just never quite being able to remember the brand of beer he liked, or perhaps remembering when they were a little warm… all sad but true.

The moral of the story is Mr Old Fashioned just doesn’t get the rules; tip or risk becoming a second priority customer. He doesn’t get it, or perhaps he does and stubbornly has moved on from the More Famous place as a result. Unfortunately, The More Famous place, had many more famous customers, so they probably have not even missed him.

I'm not sure if his 'education' will continue at the new place; experience has taught me, that these things work themselves out by the end of the week but with labour shortages in the hospitality industry, most waiters don't have this clarity from experience... he is at their mercy. So, perhaps a table by the toilet with a warmish Crown for a few months will prove the point. It’s always extremely professional, but never dream service; that’s saved for the people that do ‘get’ the rules.

Oh and before you all get parnoid; no, waiters do not spit in your food if they don't like you. Even 'A Waiter', says that is just going too far and from what I've read of his book, he does like a waiters game or two...

"The pork belly (for your gut), Sir?" - You are what you eat

Having always been on the leaner end of the scale, in the last few years I have had to start moving my arse at the local gym to keep in my favourite jeans. I totally understand the problem, I like food too much, but not the kind of food that generally makes people fat; good food just enjoyed a little too much, really it's a more of a food loving lifestyle habit than a fueling stop for me.

I was truly embarrassed to read recently of Australia's new title of worlds fattest nation, truly I was, and though I don't fall into the category of over 25BMI, I thought long and hard before I served PDC and myself some beautiful cheese the other night.

The thing is, that it's a very complicated issue mostly based around an un-food-educated public and the fact that we don't move enough, but it's also got a lot to do with portion sizes.

What has happened to the idea of an elegant sufficiency as my Nan would say? Why do we strive to finish the huge American sized popcorn (drenched in awful, salty, butter tasting oil) at the cinema while we sip from the impossibly too big to hold coke.

Growing up in the country, I understand the one-up-man-ship of finishing the biggest steak or drinking that extra beer, but we all really need to understand that this is the reason we have won this scary world wide anti-accolade.

I have been working back in restaurants recently and a fresh set of eyes has given me a new perspective of what the dining public eats. It's far too easy, while running food to look at the table ahead and pick who has ordered what dishes. The largest steak with bearnaise sauce goes to the man with the large round tummy with the empty beer glass in front of him. The confit duck leg with fondant potatoes goes to the lady that should be wearing one size larger, but can't admit it enough to feel comfortable in her clothes. The slow cooked pork belly goes to the person, with the porky belly... it's a sad sorry state.

Rarely am I surprised as I deliver food to tables, I understand that most of these people are perhaps celebrating, but food needs to be part of your long term life style choice and if you look like the food that I just delivered you then, this does not seem like a one off.

I like to play a game at the supermarket and stand in the long queue and peer into peoples baskets as they go past, it's always the love handles with the guilt ridden apple pie or the chubby teen with the large bottle of softdrink and chips.

An even more fun game, if you are ever tempted by the convenience of a fast food shop, is to stop and watch the customers for a moment, I bet there is very few bodies you would like to emulate. If you don't like the look of the butts in the queue, don't join it or you'll get a matching one, is the story that goes through my head.

As I step of my high horse now, I can also enlighten you that two entrees is the choice of the trim and terrific crowd and a glass (or even two) of a quality wine, is also duly acceptable instead of the saddening routine of multiples of spirits with 'diet' softdrink.

Do you look like your food? I'm off to buy some organic carrots!

Seamstress - disappointing

I thought I'd be raving about this place, but unfortunately I can't.

The chef forgot to season our food.

The problem for me in sharing this with you, is that I know, my experience must have been a hiccup. With a number of supportive reviews in the traditional media, there is no way that this is indicative of a meal that you could perhaps experience there tonight.

So please don't take this post as my suggestion not to go and give it a go yourself, yet I feel I have a responsibility to share my truthful food experiences with you, even when unfortunately it was not good, in fact - embarrassingly bad.

Of the six items from the menu and specials that we ordered; one was seasoned well, delicious and well cooked, two were underseasoned and three dishes had no flavour at all, due to there being no salt in the dish - a massive faux pas especially when you are eating tofu.

For the sake of clarity, I dined there two weekends ago. We selected the above 'tofu box' on the waiters recommendation, some of the house dumplings of prawn and crab, some roast pork belly, a special dish of venison carpaccio and a braised beef cheek dish with a green beans side.

The dining room was smart, lots of cute high attention to detail pieces. Someone had really thought about the space and its look. We loved the silk draped roof - perhaps less so in the severely overcrowed bar - and smiled at the beautiful plates and equipment as they were presented to us. It all seemed right and what we had expected.

The food unfortunately was extremely disappointing. The dumplings, carpaccio and tofu were the first round of shared dishes that arrived. Upon tasting these initially we were puzzled and asked our waiter for some 'salt or soy sauce' (as I was uncertain which way the kitchen would be inclined). We were delivered some thick dark soy sauce that was fine to season the flavourless tofu and mushrooms but impossible for the carpaccio and dumplings. We powered on and made the most of a difficult scenario.
The next dishes, the belly and then braised cheek and greens were not much better, the cooking technique was indisputably good, the belly was crispy skinned and fat rendered the cheek was edible with chopsticks, yet both dishes were missing that chef touch, were tasting as you go is an absolute necessity. The beans were the final straw for me, listed as 'salt and pepper' we giggled as we spoke quietly of the peppered beans, as again I asked the waiter for some salt.

In an extreme contrast to our meal, Jason Chan one of the owners and one of Australia's best baristas noticed us in the dining room from our visits to Batch, his cafe in Balaclava. He made and served PDC what he could only describe as the perfect espresso; short, clean and heady.

I have been torn about writing this piece, I'm not a restaurant whinger. I understand that 'stuff' can happen, yet the truth is that the kitchen severely dropped the ball the night I dined.

Will I go back? Sure, but perhaps I'll let a little time pass first.

The customer is sometimes very right

Restaurant Rules;
If you are right, make sure the waiter doesn’t treat you like an idiot.

Out for a casual dinner on Boxing Day evening, I ate at Pizza e Birra in St Kilda. Having dined there also a few months back I was looking forward to an alternate to my usual i Carusi pizza joint.
Every thing was going fine, apart from my warm Campari soda on arrival, (not enough ice combined with warm mixers, don’t make a very refreshing aperitif), but I coped.
After some usual Italian inspired entrees, bresaola, prosciutto and crumbed mozzarella, our pizza and salad were delivered. The pizza was as ordered, and served with a crisp base and generous toppings, yet the salad, something along the lines of Insalata Verde; baby spinach, beans, asparagus, peas and goats cheese, just didn’t look right.
First impressions were that it was overdressed and wilted, so I dug into the pizza until I felt the need for some greens.
Upon picking up the bowl, it was really warm, I stuck in the service cutlery and it wilted further in front of me. After a glance at PDC for reassurance, I gave the eye to our waiter.
“I don’t think our salad looks right and …”, as he took it out of my hand he finished “and the bowls warm”. He took it back to the kitchen.
The thing about this is I am a pretty easy going customer, I rarely return food or complain, unless it is a serious oversight (like a small metal nail in a scallop sashimi dish at Tetsuyas a few years back!), so I was seriously surprised when the waiter came back to our table a few minutes later with the same salad and a story that he was new and didn’t know that it was a warm salad and that’s how it was meant to be…
Well, my restaurant experience flared in me now, “okay sure, but the menu said, spinach and this is rocket (pointing at the leaves), it also said, asparagus which is missing and we have zucchini and no peas”, “So I’ll bring a new salad them?” he asked, I nodded with a polite smile. A good waiter could have saved this situation, yet ours didn’t stand a chance, with one of the lamest stories in the book, I’m new. I really just didn’t care; I just wanted a salad that didn’t look like it had been under the salamander.
As we finished our pizza, our new salad was delivered, to my silent amusement, the chef had stood his/her ground and the vegetables were all warm, the rocket was now spinach and all the right bits were there.

It’s a shame because as PDC summed up, it sounded such a promising combination, yet it was so wrong. Overdressed salad leaves, in a hot bowl with hot vegetables and soft goats curd dolloped over the top, inviting it was not.
And an idiot I am not, especially when I have to tell the waiter that he forgot to put our wine on the bill, along side the $11 they charged us for the salad. (Of which I don’t mind as we did technically eat it, but again a good waiter would not charge for something that they even noticed was not ‘right’.)

Restaurant Rules; if it is wrong make sure you let them know why, sometimes it’s a mistake, sometimes it’s just a wrong chef.
Jack

Restaurant Rules 2

This small blurb about Vue de Monde got me thinking about the countless other stories I have heard about the OTT annoyed customer and their OTT letter of complaint.

Your waiter is flirting with your partner, the toilet is blocked and the air-con is stuck on ‘Antarctic’ setting…
If you are unhappy with a dining experience, what do you do?
SPEAK UP

Every restaurant says they appreciate the feedback, but really they dread dealing with the ‘Dear Sir/Madame’ type letters that come once in a while. Generally, a restaurant will get a few extras after they have received a recent accolade of some type; a positive review, a ‘hat’ etc they seem to come out of the proverbial wood work. Instead of wasting your Sunday writing a long winded letter/email that will be quoted/forwarded across the business in the same speed as that of a mouse in the dry store, SPEAK UP

Restaurant Rule 2
Letters are a waste of time because
You are already mad and have not had an outlet for your fury
You really don’t care about the ‘apology’ you just want to have your say, you should also definitely not copy the local food reviewer in on the letter, more people will have access to your wasted Sunday

What to do instead
-Leave your table, so as to not cause an unpleasant scene for everyone
-Take a deep breath and ask to speak with the manager
-Explain the problem and offer a solution so it can be fixed
i.e. Every time the staff walk by our table someone bumps into my chair, perhaps the tables are to close together. Can you move us or help me from being sent crazy by this annoyance?

Do not
-Keep sitting there hoping ‘it will go away and you will begin to have the time of your life’
-Keep brooding over this
-Stay if you get an unwelcoming response from the manager, you will just get madder

If all else fails, get a food blog!

Jack

Restaurant Mechanics

I would assume that most of the people that would be even half interested in reading what I have to say about restaurants, already check out what John Lethlean says about restaurants every week in Epicure, The Age on Tuesdays.
It then disappoints and frustrates me to read a review by one of his colleagues that seems uninformed about some restaurant basics, in the spot a Lethlean review usually appears (Johns reviews in contrast show a high level of knowledge). If your not following what I’m getting at, and if you are, I’m sure you are as annoyed as I am, have a look at the Left Bank review from Tuesdays Epicure.
Leanne Tolra introduces her review with a blurb on why diners should revolt, perhaps she is trying to be political and interesting, but to an informed diner she just appears silly.

Let’s talk about some restaurant mechanics; I know about this, as I did it for over ten years and most of my friends are still immersed in this world of restaurant theatre (no-no; not ‘theatre restaurants’ (!!!), I’m talking about the part of a restaurant that the diners of the world don’t need to know about).
Interested?? Read on.

Rule 1 -Restaurant reservations
Telephone conversation
Diner: Hi, could I book a table on Saturday night at 7.30 please?
Waiter: Sorry, we don’t have anything at 7.30, but we could do you a table either early or late, say at 6.30 or 8.30?
Diner: Oh, I really need to come at 7.30 because (…insert anything you can think of, we have heard them all!...), I’ll have to call you back.

Reason behind the rule:
The restaurant is either
1. already fully booked and they are taking a punt that if you accept the 6.30 reservation you will probably be finished before the people who have booked late turn up, or if you take the 8.30 reservation they may have had a ‘no show’ table that is sitting free or that an earlier table finished quickly.
2. already very busy and most of the reservations are at 7.30, which means to offer consistent service, the restaurant limits the number of bookings they accept at any time period and hence can give better service.

One thing to keep in mind is that though many restaurants may have two sittings on a busy night, they would be crazy to strictly take bookings at 6.30 or 8.30 and make guests leave for the second sitting. It is too hard to manage the whole diningroom arriving, eating and then leaving at once (and impossible to get your guests to be happy to book this way). It is much more convenient to allocate a certain number of tables or guests that can be booked at each half hour bracket, which also loosely allows two sittings as there are few people who will sit at a table for longer than 2-3 hours and some that want to be in and out in 1 hour.

How to get around the rule and get a 7.30 reservation:
Book ahead. Perhaps weeks/months and get a table in the 7.30 bracket.
Be smart. Ask to be waitlisted for that time, just in case something comes up, believe it or not, most people that work at a professional level in a respectable diningroom really do want to help you.
Be nice. If you are waitlisted or have an early/late booking, try some charm, often people are annoyed and a bit gruff when they can’t get a booking when they want, so if you’re nice and reasonable, perhaps you will be remembered and get the wait listed booking ahead of the rude person. Human nature.
Therefore, ‘Rule 1 -Restaurant reservations’, explains how restaurateurs are not trying to “dictate patronage to their patrons”, but actually be equipped to offer more consistent service during the busy service.

The rash and righteous comments expressed by Leanne Tolra, only confuse the diner as to what hospitality professionals are all about, trust me, when I say that most of the people working in these dining rooms really do want to help you, they generally enjoy people and want to invite them into their dining rooms.

I think there is an opening here for a few more rules, keep an eye out for more restaurant mechanics to come.

Jack